I had a Panic Attack
Most weekday mornings I will get to work anywhere between 7.00am and 8.00am. It has become my routine that this is the time to go to work. It is almost robotic. In fact, I feel uncomfortable and it is like I am turning up to work late if I get there after 8.00am. The other morning was different though.
Last Monday morning I didn’t get to work until 10.30am. So what I hear you say. There is nothing wrong with that. For me, the reason why I didn’t get there until 10.30am is what is interesting.
I woke up at my normal time and straight away my heart was racing. I had an anxious feeling that I couldn’t explain. There was nothing specific going through my mind, but I felt as if the world was closing in around me. I felt so overwhelmed, even though I was thinking of nothing in particular. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I said to my wife that I wasn’t feeling well and that I was going to stay in bed for a little while. I don’t think I had ever felt this way before. My heart was racing, I felt overwhelmed about nothing and about everything at the same time, and I didn’t want to get out of bed to go to work.
I was having a mild panic attack!!
I don’t think I have ever had one of these before. The complete sense of not wanting to go to work because of the overwhelming sense of dread that something bad was going to happen. Somehow I managed to drag myself out of bed and get to work. And guess what? Nothing bad happened at all. It turned out to be a normal day. There were challenges during the day, there always is. But there was nothing that I couldn’t handle.
I have made some immediate changes to my lifestyle following that morning. At the time of writing I have stopped drinking alcohol and I have reignited my fitness campaign. I have also started meditating again first thing in the morning. So far these things are helping to clear my mind and focus on the tasks at hand.
I am not a medical expert, and I am not trying to say that panic attacks or anxiety are an easy fix. I understand that it can be debilitating and I also understand that mine was very mild.
My point in writing this is to say, that this is not uncommon. I have spoken to a few people about what I experienced and they all said the same thing. “You would not believe the number of people that have said the same thing to me.” At the time I was having the attack I felt alone and isolated. I found some comfort to know that I wasn’t alone, and was also surprised with the level of support when I spoke to others about it.
Please don’t feel like you are alone. Please don’t feel like no-one is out there. Reach out to your loved ones. If you want, reach out to me. I will listen and offer any support I can give. It is nothing to be ashamed of. Learn techniques that work for you to help overcome the anxiety.
Life can be tough. You are not supposed to be on top of everything all the time. Give yourself a break, you are doing a great job. And please don’t keep it to yourself.
David Patterson - Director The Bucket list Accountant